Eternal flame at my core

Oh... I stopped at my first love. Hmmm.... Thats a biggggg story (hehehe...heard so many ...ryt?) Before that... I am pretty drunk today... I have a poor memory when I am drunk. Today after office, went for the usual party with the usual friends... They said, I am a pretty good dancer when I'm drunk. "Oh wow.... thats a new invention !!! , thanks to Tequila... I love dancing".

Flashback ....

When I met him first (in his seventeen), he was surrounded by a pool of girls... "Why these girls are behind this fair,but lean guy with a Ghandhi spectacles?" I confused. That was the school youth festival day. Almost all schools from the district were participating in the cultural activities. I was lucky to be one of the lazy volunteer, but cleverly disguised as the most efficient.

Next program was the light music... I saw him approaching the stage. "What is he going to do there? He can only blabber with girls... Waste of time !!!"

"Hi, everybody... I would like to dedicate this song for you. Forgive me if any mistakes".

"Definitely NO", I mumured softly to myself.

Surprisingly, when he started singing, I felt like dangling in the air, creating moments of unforgettable impress alongside. (I love music....too)

I started watching him, collected all his information from other girls.

Is he watching me too ??? I noticed.

"My goodness, yes... he is looking at me !!!"

But never dare to talk to him. At the end of the day, breaking the silence, he came to me and asked,

"Hi 'Dear', how are you?"

"How do you know my name?"

"I know everything about you..."

Now, what does that mean?  :-)

Thats how our realtionship started. We talked a lot over phone, but met each other very rarely.

That day... he came to see me after a long time.

"So... where shall we go?" he asked.

"I donno, your choice"

"How would I know the places in your town? Atleast tell me some restaurant where we can sit and talk for a while."

"Ok... lets go to Cafe Coffee Day", I said.

"OK"

When we were crossing the road, he hold my hand softly. Our first touch !!!

While sipping the Cappuccino, he looked at my eyes, which pierced directly into my heart. Unexpectedly he hold my left hand, this time tightly, and kissed at once. My embarassment brought a deep blush to my face, held my gaze for only a moment at him before looking down at the floor.

I couldn't sleep that night, rewinding the episode of coffee day over and over. Sooo funny...

When he broke my heart, I could convice myself with the good reasons, though I felt bad initially.

Every sweet word you spoke...

Finally, he dumped me !!!  My current boyfriend... he is now committed to someone else... so, I shall call him 'my ex-boyfriend'. He was my 5th boyfriend... sorry, 6th... And the second one who dumped me among the six. He is going to be the last in that list, I hope... He was my true love. Though he was not the only true love in my life, he was the only one I slept with... Obviously, I feel bad, damn it !!! Well, that inspired me to write a blog...to lighten the burden of my thoughts :-)

Again the same old story….my last love...We (me and No:6) worked together in my previous company. We became friends, then close friends… and then fallen in love with each other… Everything went well, as usual love stories. We used to go beach, celebrate our own party in resorts… dancing, drinking etc etc… That was really the days of revel… 

Our first kiss, in the seaside... In fact I kissed him foremost; in his cheeks. "Oooohhh...that was really a butterfly stroke", he said and put his arms around and pulled me towards him, so that every curve of mine perfectly fitted into his. I felt something nice... and delightfully wet on my cheeks and then lips... "I love you, dear" he said running around his hand over my cheeks. "I love you too". Forgot all my past relationships and thought, "Yes, am going to marry this guy..." Stupid me !!! And now, exactly as I had feared, I'm in trouble. 

We did have numerous night outs too. Our first night out to the beach resort in his Hero Honda Passion... He started all his frolicsome stuff, while driving... removed his helmet and turned back to me... I pushed myself against him and then it flowed, a few great smooches... It was funny, when we cross the speed humps and I grabbed him tightly. He stopped near the palm trees in the seashore. It was bitterly cold, I leaned over him and my eyes filled with tears watching the bright moonlight turning the tides of water to silver. Holding my hands he sung, " Tumhein Apna Banane Ki Kasam Khaayi hai, khaayi hai... Teri aankhon mein chaahat hi nazar Aayi hai, aayi hai..." and I nibbled his earlobe instantly (Ummm... he loved it). After our 3rd drink, in the bamboo beach resort, he danced his master piece cabra dance "Yeh mera dil, pyaar ka deewana", just to make me laugh.

And our fights... That day I called him and asked, "Can we meet tonight?"

"Today?? Wow...tats great. I am really pissed off in the office and thats something to celebrate for you". 

"Dear, we talked just a few minutes today"

"Damn it !!! We talk a hell lot today. What about the messages and missed calls? He shouted.

"No, you never replied for my calls or messages and I am here just waiting for you". I replied in a trembling voice.

"Go to hell yaar, I'm pissed off. You will never understand this. Leave me alone.... and please don't call back or send those long long messages unless I call you. Bye".

I kept silent.

"I said Bye", he was screaming.

"Bye", I kept the call.

He called me back after few hours, in the evening.

"Get ready, I will come to pick you up in front your hostel". And we went for our night drive, to the beach, where the palm trees silhouetted against the pale night sky.

It happened 5 months back. He left me for a new another girl... I found myself in a dazed condition. OK, may be she is better than me, in all her ways... Good luck to him !!! I don't think I am jealous of her, but couldn't help feeling a great longing to have lots of fun with him for once again. My head throbs, honestly... Still I ought to prevail this phase of catastrophe. TWO YEARS, two years of love... ceased in just 2 weeks... What would I do without him? , How I'm going to sustain? I took a blade and carved my  left wrist vein. My fits of crying, the loneliness, how I slowly began to see all my faults and longings... Alone I had to face the difficult task of changing myself, which was so oppressive, but obliged to reduce such terrible despondency. As far as concerned, he is not going to come out of the new blue sky, where the colors of rainbow seems more brighter... 

And I...., I went out for drinks pretty regularly, with friends... hit upon my new love - 'Tequila'. But, you know that I still love you and I need you dear... You promised me so many happiness, now all I am is darkness...Today, my 2nd drink dig into my past, fix the episodes of 'No:1 - No:6' in mind. "Do I have this right?, Or am I being a little soft in the head by chance?"

The story continues...

 My first true love :-) He was lucky to be my No:1, really !!! He was lucky enough to feel the innocent and flawless love of a 15 year old girl... Is that too early ???